Information for parents: sexuality and relationships
When talking with your kids about sex, be straightforward and encourage their questions.
Talking with your teenager about sex is one of the most important conversations you will ever have.
How should I talk to my child about sex?
When talking to your child about sexual health, it is best to be as straightforward as possible. When your child is asking questions, it is okay for you to feel uncomfortable or even awkward. This is perfectly normal. The best way to answer your child’s questions is by being relaxed and calm. You can try going over your answers in advance, either in your head or with your partner. Remember, don’t be afraid to say “I don’t know” and get the answers.
Tips
- Keep your words simple. Use the correct name for body parts. This will educate your child as well as let them know that sexual topics are not off limits or embarrassing.
- Children at different ages and stages of development need different levels of explanations. As long as your child shows an interest, keep answering their questions. Don’t give more details than you are asked for.
- Try not to avoid questions, regardless of what they are. This will send your child the message that their questions are natural and that there is nothing wrong with thinking of them.
- Praise your child for coming to you and encourage them to ask questions anytime.
Teach privacy
Young children can understand the idea of privacy. They can be taught that they need to knock before entering through a closed door. It is also important that you, as the parent, follow the same rule when your child’s door is closed.
Teach your child about what behaviours and touching are appropriate and not appropriate, from both strangers and family. Tell them to talk to you about concerns they have.
How should I talk to my teenager about sex?
Even though you may feel uncomfortable talking to your teen about sex, it is one of the most important conversations you will ever have. Be prepared for rolled eyes, sighs, silences and grunts. Sharing observations and thoughts is a good way to ease into the sex talk.
Respect your teen’s views. Patiently listen to them, then share your beliefs. Keep in mind that if you want them to listen to you, you need to be respectful and maintain a calm and relaxed tone while you listen to them.
Tips
- Your teen may not come to you. Bring the subject up and see if they want to talk or if they have any questions.
- Answer their questions honestly. Don’t give false information or more detail than they want.
- If you feel uncomfortable discussing sex with your teen, ask for help from a knowledgeable adult and/or health care professional. This will ease your discomfort and can provide the opportunity to follow up and continue with the discussion.
Topics that may arise
- sexual orientation
- self-esteem
- dating
- healthy relationships
- date rape and date rape drugs
- pregnancy
- safer sex / abstinence
- contraception
- no means no
- sexual abuse
- sexually transmitted infections
- HIV/AIDS
Sex education is most effective if you make it ongoing. Don’t expect to cover everything in one conversation. Start small and gradually have longer talks. It may take a few times before both you and your teen learn to feel comfortable talking about sex.
If your teen doesn’t want to talk, the best thing to do is let them know that you are available to listen if they change their mind. Tell them about local places where they can go to talk to someone who has the correct information. Remind them that friends, although helpful, may not have all the facts.
This item was last modified on May 2, 2023